Counselor Do’s and Don’ts

We believe that being positive and teaching the right things to do is the first step.

We also believe that refinement of that foundation requires pointing out the things that we should not do.

Things to Be Mindful Of

1. Nurture clients’ sense of agency. Do not ask clients where they want to start and then respond with “ok… alright…” and then introduce another topic without tying in.  Do not do for them what they can do for themselves (or at least prepare them and scaffold so they can do it themselves).
2. Validate clients when they share difficult stories. Do not simply follow-up with 3 or 4 rapid-fire questions for more details.
3. Explore to conceptualize clients’ issues accurately and administer appropriate interventions. Do not introduce assumptions when testing tangential hypotheses or lead them to your answers with statements like: “I don’t really know the dynamics of your family… but…”
4. Help clients identify their needs. Do not force with questions like “what is the barrier keeping you from recognizing that you are a sinner in need of a savior?”
5. Generate insight by drawing out the unconscious. Do not repeatedly ask clients things point blank like “what’s the reason for…” when they show low insight and already say they don’t know.
6. Search out and drive to positive solutions. Do not reinforce a resistant client’s focus on the problems by asking negative questions such as “what is the barrier to your…”
7. Give clients time to think internally or talk to themselves aloud when they finally do speak. Do not rush to insert your opinion or rob them of ownership and practice.  If/when they apologize for speaking at the same time, do not allow them the comfort of withdrawing so that you can finish your thought.
8. Listen carefully and respond respectfully. Do not raise voice to be heard or talk over clients to the point of them having to repeat “hold on, hold on, hold on… let me finish, let me finish…”
9. Speak sparingly. Do not go on for 3-10 minutes at a time—and definitely not when the client already denied your opinion—best case is you’re right but the client is “talked at,” worse case is they will think or even tell you “that’s not it at all.”
10. Keep opinions to yourself or at least be congruent about intentions. Do not confuse clients saying: “I’m not telling you to do this.  I’m only telling you the benefits of it.”
11. Motivate clients through inspiration of insight and ownership of ideas. Do not talk at clients; telling them that they “cannot”, or “need to”, or they “have to” anything.
12. Be clear about your validations “and” your challenges. Do not confuse clients by affirming their responses and then immediately invalidate with a “but…”
13. Paraphrase/summarize so that clients can hear their own words and process. Do not ask multiple questions, rolling through in quick succession.
14. Probe deeper for underlying motivations/concerns with open-ended questions. Do not offer your own ideas with close-ended or even rhetorical questions; which either give the client an out or allow him/her to stay on the surface with subjective feelings.
15. Discern between validation versus motivation and when to use. Do not miss or forget clients’ objectives.  (For instance, comforting them in a way that adds to inertia when they had been resistant and suddenly gap open a window for growth.)
16. Segue with style to a connected thread. Do not suddenly take hard pivots or move to disjointed topics, especially when clients have difficulty with getting deep.
17. Orchestrate the session as a master conductor. Do not be aimless or lose track of conversations and cannot recap (whether clients return in 5 minutes or a week).
18. Prepare a practical plan to accomplish objectives during the session and/or homework for between sessions. Do not just wait for clients to ask you what they can do and then not come back with homework for weeks.
19. Train clients up through in-session behavioral activation. Do not only talk about what clients can do or simply assign homework for them to do between sessions.
20. Track progress and provide more direct support when needed. Do not assign homework and then fail to follow up or build up the capacity needed together.
21. Encourage clients no matter how small the progress to build momentum together. Do not let opportunities to be the biggest fan/cheerleader pass by with minimal reaction or follow-up when a resistant client finally does their homework.
22. Heed care team guidance. Do not ask questions like “I don’t know who’s responsible for what or is that something your husband would support you with?” when the marriage therapist has identified client struggles with locus of responsibility (especially when your own reality check is that she is not doing much).
23. Manage potential transference. Do not make assumptions about how clients feel, volunteer random ideas for them to ask others (e.g., “I don’t really know… it’s a suggestion…”) or react on behalf of someone they share about even if you share a characteristic/situation with any of those directly involved.
24. Take initiative to check in with at-risk clients. Do not simply wait for the next time the client shows up to session when you have a client with suicidal ideations.

    * Start or continue to follow your supervisor’s instructions.  Do not continue to do any of the above “don’ts” when explicitly instructed not to.

“The End, and a Better Way.”  |  Imperfect Photography by Imperfect Ronnie |  (Rom 7:15ff).