Has your family ever been through a crisis or tragedy and cannot move forward from such a difficult event?  Do you need help with a family member who is stuck in the past or with an unhealthy behavioral/substance addiction?  Is there a family member that you wouldn’t ever deal with if you weren’t related or connected through marriage (or actually have become estranged relations)?

We will face difficult problems with people in our family; whether parents, siblings, or the extended relatives that over-complicate life.  This is because life can be incredibly hard when we are forced to live in the same house or even visit with people who we do not naturally get along with.  We can not choose them the same way that we choose our friends.  It can be impossible to love people that have different lifestyles than we believe in, vote for people that we do not respect, or simply have characters that we just do not like.

It gets even worse when we get married and inherit in-laws to deal with without the luxury of getting used to them while we were still babies and didn’t have minds of our own or have the ability to choose who we see on holidays.  Then, the family lifecycle presents even more challenges as we have our own children to deal with, as they develop their own personalities and assert themselves in the most inopportune ways or make life inconvenient for us when they fight with our other children.

God knows how difficult having children can be.  His own “first children” were rebellious when He gave them everything.  He witnessed the hate that turns brotherly love into death and destruction.  And yet, He has the patience and perseverance to endure our ingratitude, disrespect, and contempt until we are ready to stop lying about how we love Him and one another.  He runs to us when we simply turn towards Him.  He celebrates our return by mercifully bearing our offenses and gracefully giving us the honor that we do not deserve.

ICHTHYSroe helps families clearly see the potential that God desires to bring into each family member’s life as well as the collective family experience.  In fact, it is the health of the overall family unit that we aspire to support and nurture.  We can provide counseling for all families as they face the difficult problems that inevitably arise as we go through the stages of the family lifecycle:

1. the newly formed marriages with nascent in-law experiences,
2. the young families preparing/caring for infants,
3. the blended families with school-age children,
4. the empty nesting families launching young adults,
5. the growing families as parents become in-laws,
6. the maturing families where parents become grandparents, and
7. the multi-generational families with extended family members).

Whether it is the natural course of family growth, or the special circumstances that arise from those who are suffering specific issues (e.g., children with neurodevelopmental concerns, intergenerational trauma, social determinants of mental health arising from cultural intersectionalities), all families need godly guidance on how to maintain their ancestral growth towards Christ or risk losing members to atheism through the generations.

In the course of our time together (slowly, over weeks, months, or even years) we will start by (and go beyond) considering:

• What was it like for each member as they grew up in the time/place/society of their childhood?
• How did each member’s parents model relationships with their own family-of-origin, and their external social relationships (with friends, community, etc.)?
• Who did each member turn to when he/she felt angry, sad, or fearful?
• Who did each member turn to when he/she felt calm, happy, or hopeful?
• What were the unspoken rules that structured the interpersonal dynamics in the family?
• What are some of the family inheritances that you do not want you or your spouse to pass down to your children?

And then, most importantly, we can delve into:

• How would you best describe your family to others?
• What do you expect from yourself and others in your family that is different from others?
• Who do you identify most with in your life?
• What are the things you learned and are proud of?
• What makes you happy if your spouse or children saw in your resemblance to your parents? What makes you shudder if your spouse or children saw in your resemblance to your parents?
• When have you thrown a tantrum (for the first time, the most, and the most recent)? How did your parents respond? How did God?
• Are there things that you do out of obligation for your family? What would happen if you didn’t do them? Were there any unexpected benefits?
• How has your relationship with your parents changed through the years? What would it look like to share hobbies or other interests with them?
• Have you had any friends in common with your parents or siblings? How did those friendships develop for the second connection after being introduced?